Audio Lobotomy: Nickelback - All the Right Reasons

Audio Lobotomy is a new masochistic feature of Universal Sandwich.  Each installment of Audio Lobotomy will consist of an unholy experiment whereby I subject myself to the absolute worst albums I can get my hands on in the name of science.  During each experiment, I will record my reactions to the songs as I listen to them so that I may document their effect on my psyche.  In short, I listen to terrible music so you don't have to.

Today's experiment is Nickelback's 2005 album All the Right Reasons.

Impressions going in:
Nickelback are pretty much the undisputed reigning kings of Sucksylvania.  That is both the beginning and the end of my knowledge about this band and their music.  I actually had to do a little googling to even decide which of their godawful albums I should use because I knew so little about them.  I ended up choosing All the Right Reasons because the internet tells me it is their best selling album, which has to put it right up there with the Titanic or the Hindenburg on the list of history's worst man-made disasters.  I'm certain I've heard at least half a dozen Nickelback songs on the radio before, but for the life of me I can't bring any of them to mind.  Looking over the song titles on all of their albums doesn't jog my memory either.  I keep trying to hum the chorus to one of their songs, but every time it just ends up being Creed's "Higher."  Something tells me that's not a good sign.  Also, it turns out Nickelback is from Canada.  Make of that what you will...

The Songs:

1) Follow You Home - 
Here we go...
The guitars at the beginning alone tell me this is a band that takes itself entirely too seriously.  Ooo, the lyrics are all dark and gritty.  Obviously this guy's a rebel.  Is there like a rhyming dictionary of bad-boy cliches?  Because if not, I think Nickelback could write it.

2) Fight for All the Wrong Reasons -
Apparently repeating each line in a whisper is totally fucking metal.  Ugh, this song is kind of disturbingly sexual.  I do not like thinking that being in Nickelback can get you laid.  We just had our first cookie monster scream on the album, you know what that means, DRINK!  And, somehow that's immediately followed by a Bohemian Rhapsody-like vocal overdub section.


3) Photograph - 
 Ballad time!  Ok, so this one I recognize.  It seems like the kind of song that the student senate in high school would totally choose as your "class song."  I can just see the sepia-toned photo montage now.  Nostalgia - making half-wit rock stars even richer since 197?  Seriously, I don't know how many ways this band can find to say "think about the past and get sad, and then buy our album."

4) Animals - 
Ok, now we're back to melting faces.  First mention of the devil, boy didn't see that one coming a mile away.  It sounded like he just said "manimals."  I think I actually like that better.  "Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions/ I guess they knew that she was missing/ As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing."  Excuse me while I vomit all over my keyboard.

5) Savin' Me -
Leaving the "g" off of "saving" tells the listener that this is a band that isn't afraid to let its hair down.  I'm pretty sure this song is just a holding pattern for an EPIC CHORUS.  A big echo effect over the repeating line "I'm fallin'" is the kind of touch that only a band known for its subtlety like Nickelback could pull off.

6) Far Away -
Ok ladies, it's acoustic guitar time, get ready to swoon.  Kroeger's voice is kind of like vigorously rubbing sandpaper on your genitals.  Add to the list of disgustingly transparent studio effects a distant echo effect on the lyric "Far Away."  Seriously, where do they get this stuff?

7) Next Contestant - 
So, the line "Just how many heads I'm tearing/ Off of assholes coming onto her" scans alright on paper, but the way he delivers it makes it sound like he's doing something unspeakable to your no-no area.  Basically this song is "I'm a bigshot rockstar with a super hot girlfriend, and if you look at her sideways I'm gonna beat you up, or at least sing an angry song about it."  Oh good, he just blamed the girl getting harassed on the outfit she's wearing.  Classy.


8) Side of a Bullet -
So, if the title isn't enough of a giveaway, this one's another face melter.  You know, when I think of bands with the intelligence and subtlety to pull off a song about gun violence, Nickelback is definitely the first band that comes to mind.  If I'm remembering correctly, this song was meant as a eulogy to Dimebag Darrell.  Way to throw salt in everyone's wounds, Nickelback!

9) If Everyone Cared -
Piano ballad time, brace yourself for suckitude.  Hmm...I wonder which Hallmark greeting card they stole the lyrics to this song from.  My heart is so warmed, I can't stand it.  Or maybe I ate too much spicy food for lunch. 

10) Someone that You're With - 
This song pretty much consists of one ham-fisted four-note guitar riff repeated ad-nauseum.  They just keep at it, even if it doesn't fit the lyrics anymore.  That's persistence....or something.

11) Rockstar -
Last song, the light at the end of the tunnel.  Oh great, it's a country song.  Just what this musical abortion needed.  Ahh...yeah, this chorus, I remember this too.  I wish I hadn't.  Rhyming tassels with assholes takes things to an all new level of ineptitude.  Shout out to Pez dispensers = best part of the album so far.  I've never known anybody who could make sex, drugs and rock and roll seem so unappealing until now.

The final verdict:
Nickelback's frontman Chad Kroeger is a musical genius the likes of which Rock has never seen.  The dulcet tones of his voice and the soaring melodies in each Nickelback song are sublimely transcendent.  What's more, his songwriting abilities make him a modern day Dylan.  His lyrics display subtlety and nuance while still letting you know what a totally bitchin' badass rockstar he is.  I can hardly wait to listen to more Nickelback so that I might drink from the fountain of pure enlightenment.

Just kidding!  This thing sucks like the wind.  I'm gonna go wash my ear canals with sulfuric acid.

If you have any suggestions for other terrible albums I should torture myself with, please email me at scott.unlsandwich@gmail.com

Leftovers: Daniel Johnston/Yo La Tengo - "Speeding Motorcycle" live over the phone

Leftovers is an ongoing feature of Universal Sandwich which unearths buried treasures of the music world. In each episode of Leftovers, I dig out the choicest of the moldy gems from the back of the Universal Sandwich fridge and explain why I think they are undeserving of the trash heap.

On today's plate of Leftovers is a bit of live music obscurity from February 4th 1990. Daniel Johnston is unfortunately more known for his mental instability than his remarkable songwriting talents.  But if you look beyond his lifelong battles with mental instability you will find one of the rawest, most gut-wrenchingly honest songwriters ever. 

This recording comes from an hour long variety show that Daniel did on WFMU.  Daniel had pre-recorded advertisements, jingles, and fake interviews with Daniel voicing all of the parts and then playing them over the phone to be broadcast over the radio.  But the shining moment in all of this was when he sang his song "Speeding Motorcycle" over the phone with the help of the band Yo La Tengo who had been booked for an in-studio performance.

What results nothing short of a lo-fi masterpiece.  This performance is oozing with a sort of naive charm that any other artists would die to have.  The innocence and child-like exuberance is apparent in Daniel's voice.  And the way that Yo La Tengo are able to tenuously hang on to the performance using what they could hear over the phone is nothing short of incredible.  The sound quality, is of course sub-par, and Daniel's voice may take some getting used to, but this is all overshadowed by the goofy boyishness of Daniel's voice which perfectly match lyrics like this:

speeding motorcycle
of my heart
speeding motorcycle
lets be smart
because we dont want a wreck
we can do alot of tricks
we dont have to break our legs
to get our kicks

They're silly, of course, but underneath that there is a kind of sophistication, an ability to explain something as complicated as love with a child's sense of simplicity.


Listen to the track below, and you can also find the entire broadcast of which it is a part here.

Check out the new Beastie Boys video

Yesterday the Beastie Boys released the video for the single "Make Some Noise" off their upcoming album Hot Sauce Committee pt 2 due in stores next week. The video is part of a longer short film which premiered at Sundance Film festival this year. The video has cameos from seemingly anyone who has every played a comedic role in Hollywood, and the performance by Elijah Wood as a young Ad Roc is particularly spot-on.

Beastie Boys - Make Some Noise - Free Music Videos - Top Songs

Rant: Kanye West's messiah complex is not good for hip-hop

The hip-hop community has an obsession with crowning new royalty. It seems that every time a new buzzworthy artist crops up, the discussion inevitably turns to whether or not he or she is the next great hope. When people aren't arguing about whether or not hip-hop is dead, they are debating who can save it. Hip-hop's de facto savior du jour for the past six or seven years has undeniably been Kanye West. The producer turned rap superstar has enjoyed near universal acclaim since his debut album College Dropout in 2004. His sales are among the highest in the industry and every new release is a major event. Seemingly the only person more impressed by Kanye West than the fans and critics is Kanye West.

And therein lies the problem. West's ego is an entity unto itself. By now it has consumed the rest of his personality to the point that the only thing remaining is a comically absurd real-life Tracy Jordan. The listening public seem more than happy to look past his rampant materialism, his inflated sense of self and his public temper tantrums when he doesn't get the recognition he feels he deserves from award shows. They are willing to look past all of that because Kanye West, as he is not afraid to keep telling us, is a "great artist." Well, I hate to be the turd in the punchbowl folks, but when it comes to rapping, he isn't even very good.

Is he a gifted producer? Absolutely. Is he at least a tiny step above most top forty rappers when it comes to lyrics? Perhaps, but only just barely. At the end of the day, for me West is 90% hype and only 10% substance. His last 3 or 4 records in particular are filled with graceless goofy lyrics that, while they make a pretense to depth or profundity, are ultimately uninspired. What's most irritating about Kanye West's fame is that it completely overshadows the truly talented artists in hip-hop. It's a tragedy, and one in which I think fans and critics are complicit. By passing him off as the great creative mind in modern hip-hop, the hive mind is telling the unwitting public that they need look no further than Kanye West when looking for the best and brightest in hip-hop. But I've seen what a truly gifted MC can do. I've heard verses from artists with a fraction of West's album sales that are powerful, that make you weep, that astound you with their honesty. I've also heard verses where it's clear that the MCs aren't taking themselves too seriously. These artists are self-aware and are willing to look at themselves and hip-hop with a critical eye, to be self-deprecating. And that's something that Kanye West is simply not capable of.

I've heard it speculated that West's larger-than-life persona is all part of the show, that his ballooning ego is some kind of meta-critical performance art. While this is an interesting theory, I just do not buy it. If Kanye West is to hip-hop what Stephen Colbert is to punditry, then I think he would have to be much funnier than he is. Sure, his antics can be amusing from time to time, but I see him in the same light as Charlie Sheen. You cannot help but laugh a little bit at the absurdity of it all, but it seems more like schadenfreude than anything.

It should be said that Kanye West is far from being the first hip-hop artist to have a large ego. And I want to make it clear that I'm not saying that ego and braggadocio don't have their rightful place at the hip-hop table, they do. In fact you can trace this kind of attitude back to hip-hop's earliest days when teenagers in the Bronx were battling each other (on the mic as well as on the turntables or the dance floor). But the difference here is that Kanye West isn't some young kid trying to carve out a name for himself in a ghetto where every brown face is just another statistic. He's a multi-millionaire who is known worldwide, and if he isn't self-aware enough to laugh at himself every once and awhile, then the whole thing falls apart.

Okay, so if Kanye West is not worthy of the hip-hop crown, then who is? Well, that's a question that I'm afraid to say I do not have an answer for. The problem I see is that if hip-hop needs a savior (and I'm not completely convinced it does), then that artist must be able to combine talent with a willingness to be self-aware while still being popular enough to reach a wide audience. I don't see anyone on the scene right now who can do all of that. The closest I can think of is someone I wrote about recently, Lupe Fiasco. Yet, while he's definitely more talented than Kanye and certainly popular, he still suffers from an inability to let his ego take a backstage to talent. He's ultimately Kanye in new clothes. Artists like Mos Def and Talib Kweli who have the ability to write truly gut-wrenching lyrics do not enjoy nearly the amount of popularity that Kanye West does. And artists willing to take the piss out of hip-hop and themselves like Busdriver don't even come close.

What it all comes down to is that the listening public has to start being better fans. I think Kanye's biggest problem is that he's decided that he is the only person who can "save" hip-hop and nobody wants to tell him otherwise. If fans and critics aren't willing or able to see through the cloud of hype surrounding Kanye West, then he will only continue to think that he's God's gift to music. At the end of the day, if hip-hop needs to be saved from anything, it's Kanye West.

TV on the Radio release film with new album Nine Types of Light

If you haven't yet heard the new album Nine Types of Light by art-rock band TV on the Radio, do yourself a favor and give it a listen. Or, better yet, watch the movie...

Not content to be simply the coolest of the cool bands on the block, TV on the Radio decided to venture into film making as well. Packaged with the deluxe edition of Nine Types of Light is a DVD with an hour-long film that serves as an extended music video for every song on the album. Luckily for those of us without the cash reserves to fork over $60, the band has also put the full video on youtube for free.

The film features both live action segments and excellent animation (appropriate, since lead singer Tunde Adebimpe worked as an animator before forming the band) all woven together by interstitial bits which were directed by Adebimpe himself. The film is extremely well put together and compliments the album (which is also excellent) quite well. It's easy to see why a band like TV on the Radio would decide to do something like this, and not just because their lead singer also has a budding film career. There has always been a certain grandeur and vastness to this band's sound that seems to be perfectly suited to this kind of cinematic treatment.

The quality here also makes me wonder why more bands today aren't finding ways to make their music more of a multimedia experience. While it's one thing to make videos for the singles from an album, it's entirely another to create visuals for the entire album. I can't help but wonder if doing more of this kind of creative packaging with music wouldn't help spark some life into sluggish album sales across the industry (though perhaps a less "deluxe" and more cost effective edition with simply the album and the DVD would be preferable to one that includes vinyl, cd, dvd, digital download AND a t-shirt).

Judge for yourself below. Highlights of the film include the animation, bright colors, a Prince impersonation by Adebimpe, Peanuts cosplay, zombie killing andwhyareyounotwatchingthisalreadyseriouslydoitnow...

All versions of the album, deluxe and otherwise, can be purchased at TV on the Radio's website.

Leftovers: Black Moth Super Rainbow - "Sun Lips"

Editorial Note: This is the inaugural edition of a new periodic feature within the Universal Sandwich blog project that I'm calling Leftovers. Leftovers seeks to unearth buried treasures of the music world. Each episode of Leftovers will feature a song or album lost to time and/or obscurity. It's my job to dig out the choicest of these moldy gems from the back of the Universal Sandwich fridge and explain why I think they are undeserving of the trash heap.

Today's leftovers is the track "Sun Lips" by Black Moth Super Rainbow. BMSR are a band I stumbled across completely by accident. I was first introduced to them in 2007 when they served as the out-of-left-field opening act for indie-rap phenom Aesop Rock. Not only were BMSR a refreshing change of pace from the typical no-name rapper that most hip-hop artists pick as their opening act, they also put on one of the most surprising and compelling live shows I've seen.

What drew my attention to BMSR was their unique sound coupled with a strong (if somewhat unnerving) stage presence. In terms of sound, BMSR have firm roots in both psychedelic rock and electronica. Hearing them out of context, one could easily be forgiven for thinking BMSR was the work of a DJ and not a full band. There is something distinctly otherworldly and machine-like about the way that BMSR blend vintage keyboards with rock instrumentation that makes it seem as if it were made by pasting together samples. The reality is that this sound is created by an extremely tight ensemble of fairly traditional instruments (with the possible exception of their persistent use of the vocoder). The performance I saw consisted of a vocalist/keyboardist who sat cross-legged on the floor in the corner of the stage and sang all his vocals through a vocoder, a sweat-band wearing bassist who danced around the stage like something out of a jazzercise tape, and a female drummer who absolutely brutalized her drumkit and whose intesnity left me picking my jaw off the floor (seriously, she killed it). During all of this, a video collage consisting of seemingly ad hoc and at times disturbing clips (I distinctly remember several minutes of a Richard Simmons exercise routine from the 1980s) which added to the surreal ambiance of this band. The whole experience felt like something out of Andy Warhol/The Velvet Underground's Exploding Plastic Inevitable.

"Sun Lips" is probably the strongest track off of BMSR's third LP Dandelion Gum from 2007. What is most surprising about "Sun Lips" is that it proves that despite BMSR's strong experimental and surrealist tendencies, they are capable of writing astoundingly hummable pop melodies. The vocals have an anthemic quality that makes the entire song seem like one giant chorus without any verses. There is a colorful tone to the music, accented by the swirling flute sounds and summery lyrics. But if this song depicts a Summer day, it's obviously one which includes large quantities of psychotropic drugs, something which gives the slightest hint that ominous things are afoot. There is poetic irony in the fact that a song about something as natural and organic as a summer sunrise would sound so mechanical and robotic. What results is something of a machinistic love song, evocative of the clash between the natural world and the world of machines. "Sun Lips" may not be BMSR's newest material, but it is every bit as compelling to listen to now as it was when I first heard it performed live.

Listen to the song, and see the rather unsettling music video here:

Review: Lupe Fiasco - Lasers

Lasers, the third outing by backpack rap sensation Lupe Fiasco, is an album that almost wasn't. Fans have been waiting for a follow up to the concept album The Cool since it came out in 2007. Initially, Lupe Fiasco announced that his third (and supposedly final) album would be a three disc release called LupE.N.D. which has since been delayed indefinitely. From there, the album went through several name changes, from the Great American Rap Album, to We Are Lasers, to simply Lasers (in case it isn't readily apparent from these titles, Lupe has never been one for being understated, his concept for the Cool is only further evidence of this,) But the roller coaster ride was far from over. Despite the fact that it had a release date of late 2009 and several singles had been released (some of which never actually did make it onto the album) Lasers didn't actually get released until last month. According to Lupe himself, the album had actually been complete for some time, but was being held up by Atlantic Records. But after several years of waiting, and an online petition to Atlantic to release the record that quickly received 30,000 signatures, Lasers finally hit the shelves. Unfortunately, the head scratching didn't stop there.

For all the anticipation and hype leading up to its release, the actual album turned out to be every bit as confusing and difficult to pin down. Critical response seems to be a resounding "meh," and I can't say I disagree very much. There has been a considerable degree of rumbling in critical circles about the increasing pop sentiment on this album. The Allmusic reviewer, for example, complained of the album's "lumbering, overwrought choruses." While there certainly are some disappointments here that likely arise from the concessions Lupe had to make to finally get this album released, I for one think that to call the hooks and choruses in Lasers a departure is largely ignorant of what Lupe has always done in his music. Lupe's shtick has always been superb rhymes interspersed with hooks painted in broad strokes. Just look at the two most well-known tracks off his debut, "Daydreamin'" and "Kick, Push." Neither of these is devoid of pop overtones. The Jill Scott chorus from "Daydreamin'" is positively infectious, and the strings sampled from Celeste Legaspi's "Bolero Medley" on "Kick, Push" give the song a syrupy grandeur for which any pop composer should be envious.

While the poppier side of Lasers shouldn't be seen as a complete betrayal, there is no denying that the album has its share of disappointments. To my ears, there are two important things missing from this album. The first is trajectory. While the album starts with some strong tracks, particularly the musical indictment of Obama "Words I Never Said," what follows is a sharp decline in quality. The first signs of trouble come on the song "the Show Goes On," which strangles the life out of a sample of Modest Mouse's "Float On." That Lupe would look to the indie rock darlings for inspiration is interesting, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Easily the best track on the album, "All Black Everything," comes as the penultimate track on the album. The song imagines a comically absurd alternate reality in which racism doesn't exist. In this world, things are completely turned on their head, Bill O'Reilly eulogizes Malcom X (who dies as an old man) by reading from the Qur'an. Lines like "Somalia is a great place to relax in/ Fred Astaire was the first to do a backspin/ The Rat Pack was cool group of black men" illustrate the kind of lyrical brilliance Lupe is capable of. Any sense of trajectory gained here, however, is completely lost on the album ending "Never Forget You" which features John Legend who completely overshadows Lupe in the worst way possible.

But perhaps even more conspicuously absent from this album is any sense of the quirky nerd-friendly side of Lupe that made him a critical success in the first place. Gone are the geeky rhymes about robots, skateboarding and Japanese culture from Food & Liquor or the grand (if silly) prog-rap sensibility of the Cool. What we are left with is a relatively ordinary hip-hop album from an artist whose appeal is based largely on his ability to be anything but ordinary.

The few bright moments on Lasers make it worth at least a listen, but to see Lupe Fiasco in his more consistent, less adulterated form, first-time listeners should stick to his first two albums.

This almost makes up for having to listen to Rebecca Black's voice.

Assuming you haven't been living in a cave for the past three weeks, you no doubt are aware of Rebecca Black's brain-rotting piece of autotune hell known simply as "Friday." If not, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You may also be aware of the dozens of different covers and remixes that have been popping up on youtube. The inevitable death metal cover is but one such example.

But, for my money, the best take on "Friday" came just last night on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. In a moment of cross-promotional genius, Stephen Colbert agreed to sing the now ubiquitous song on Late Night if viewers could raise $26,000 for the the charity donorschoose.org. Well, the public did their part, and Colbert kept his promise.

The result is entertainment of the highest order. With backing by the Roots (who deserve a medal for being the hardest working band in the biz) and with a little help from Jimmy Fallon, Taylor Hicks, and the Knicks City Dancers, Colbert completely knocks it out of the park. The sheer exuberance of this (and the hilarious crooner intro) totally outshines the comically terrible lyrics. Also, it's amusing to see a real MC like Black Thought take on the groan worthy "rap."